Oracle PaaS = Winning

First of all, I would like to say that Oracle is a great company, lots of winning.

You know, a lot of people have been asking this question about PaaS. No, really. A lot of people have asked me this – they come up to me and they ask, they do – ‘What PaaS is best for my company?’ And first, I have to check and see if the company they’re talking about is one of my companies, because as you know, I own a LOT – a lot of companies. Some great deals and I’ve made a lot of money. I’m not ashamed of that – lots of jobs, good deals.

And I tell these people, look. We all know there’s a few choices in the PaaS market. We know that. After all, we’ve had eight years of the worst kind of PaaS you can imagine under this lame duck of a president. Oh my God, I can’t believe how bad it’s been. Eight. Whole. Years. Or at least seven, but soon to be eight, which is about nine too many. The clouds, with the services and the PaaS and the SaaS and the IaaS and the data centers – it’s just terrible – makes your head spin. And only a few people are winning at cloud anymore. Oracle is winning at cloud. Microsoft is winning at cloud. Amazon is winning with cloud. But others? They’re not winning at anything cloud any more. Cloud is not an area for deals for them, and trust me, I know a deal.

Look, if you wanna know which PaaS to buy, I’ll tell you. To begin with, the first PaaS – and I love being first, let me tell you. Being first is being NUMBER ONE. UNO if you speak Spanish, which I do and I’m proud of it, even though I’m not Mexican, I’m German, but I don’t speak German. Number one is probably my favorite number. Actually, number one with about a billion zeros behind it, am I right? Those zeros mean a lot. Except for Amazon – now THERE’s a zero in PaaS. But I won’t say they’re a total zero, cause that would be rude so I won’t. They’re more like a computer like a 101010101010 spouting off and sweating all the time – can’t keep cool, just like their computers, wherever they are. And they don’t tell you where they are. So if you like not knowing where your computer is, they’re gonna be best. Wanna know where your computer is? Raise your hand if you wanna know where your computer is. Yeah, most of you. Just keep ’em up. How many of you have read "The Art of the Deal?" – keep your hands up. See? Again, most of you. It’s my second favorite book that most of you have read.

So anyway, we have all these PaaS things, and we use them in the cloud and on our phones and with our dinners and with our kids. To be better, to win. And I’ll tell you, no one is better at winning in the cloud than me. So, Oracle is gonna have the best PaaS ever, believe me. And the best part – I love this part – we’re not even going to have to pay for Oracle PaaS. Amazon will pay for your PaaS, I promise you. And they have to. Cause these other PaaS guys, they’re not giving it their best. They’re serving up bugs, they’re serving up errors. And some, I assume, are decent clouds. So we’ll make them pay for it, believe me. And I’ll tell you one thing about cloud – it just got a LOT bigger. Lots of space, very luxurious, plenty of money in there. Buy Oracle and win.

Happy April 1st.


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